So, Oprah has proclaimed a "No Phone Zone" for texting, talking and such while driving to work.
This is good. However, I've been thinking lately about having a "No Phone Zone" in my personal space - i.e. what if we all said, if you are talking to me don't check your phone, write/read text messages, or email. Take the few minutes or hour of our conversation as a No Phone Zone. Let's remember how to focus, listen and be with each other.
I may just start by observing it myself. What say you?
I'm already doing this now, for the most part. Glad to have you on board, as well.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was growing up, and especially once answering machines became common, I just assumed that (except in cases of emergency) the real, live person in front of you takes precedence over what is often casual phone visits. I guess I just carried that assumption over into the Cellular Age and was a little surprised that more people weren't doing the same.
I am doing this more and more...it's nice. Now if I can only get off my computer...
ReplyDeleteGreat Idea! I pretty much do this without thinking - perhaps those of us who can remember life without mobiles remember that life didn't cease without constantly needing the reassurance either.
ReplyDeleteIt's only polite surely, to give you attention to another when in a conversation. If it is necessary to have a phone with you and you must answer it, state that fact at the beginning of a conversation.
We have lost the ability to focus on one person at a time - especially ourselves.
Anon- yes but you aren't as immersed in the digital world as others of us - assuming i know who this Anon is... :)
ReplyDeleteCaroline - wonderful to have you visit, again. it takes focus to keep the space free of distractions. the digital world intrudes and the physical seems to give-way so easily.
Rebecca - my thoughts exactly.
I believe this speaks to a shift in how we process and view relationships. We have become so conditioned the societal expectation to multi-task that we easily break our attention and give it to a device and an assessment of what else is going on in the world. I think that what is has done to relationships is erode what we traditionally defined them as and given birth to a new kind of attention competition that is addictive and removed at the same time. We've discussed this before, the ability of younger generations to multi-task more effectively, but give full attention to one task or depth less effectively.
ReplyDeleteToday's relationships are in constant competition not only with other people who physically surround you at the time, but the the ever-expanding social networks that remain tethered to us through PDAs and cell phones.
A little story that may or may not be relevant to the pondering:
This past week I encountered a situation where someone I care for had received some flirtatious communication from a stranger via text message. The stranger found the phone number via a business site that led to a Facebook search and some IM and text contact. Through the veil of the computer and cell phone, the lady contacted my friend and enticed him to respond. And he fell for it. No matter he is in a committed relationship and shouldn't respond...the opportunity was there, not in person, but via technology. She found him, she invaded his world, and the protection of technology seemed to make it okay to flirt back. In the end, this man's girlfriend discovered the communication and was deeply hurt. He insisted that he'd 'never even met this woman' 'wouldn't know her if she walked in the room right now' and yet the hurt of the incident was no less real to their relationship. In an instant, trust and depth that had been fostered over their time together was eroded...all because he gave credence and time to someone who decided to text him over the real, live woman in his life. Was this 'cheating', was he unfaithful if he never met this woman he flirted with via text and IM? How do we define such things in a world where communication streams are ever increasing in their availability and prominence?
One more story...a short one I promise...I went last evening to a concert for a big music singer. At the event, I watched something that fascinated me. Many people were there, but they were not there. Many spent the entire concert recording and trying to get 'the perfect shot' of the artists. They angled and maneuvered in such a way that there was clearly no way they could pay attention to the music and take in the experience itself. Others were posting pictures directly to sites while the event was still going on. Yet others were texting endlessly throughout the night.
And all this made me wonder about what these types of behaviors say about our evolving sense of self and credence to others. The self, according to Communication theory, is made up of the I (our internal driving forces and desires), the me (the socialized image we put forth), and the looking-glass self (that image we imagine others see of us...how we think we are perceived by others). Traditional beliefs hold that the ME socializes us to behave in a way that is best for others, to control our I desires so that the way we picture our LOOKING GLASS SELF is positive. From what I have seen lately, it seems that it is now more that the I aspect has taken control, with the LOOKING GLASS SELF not being focused (as traditionally believed) on acceptance and relationships, but instead now on status and prestige.
Fascinating to say the least. Thanks for letting me share.
Connie - Great comment. You should post this! Wait. You just did. :)
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